Song Beneath the Song
by ljubav1986
Summary: John is growing increasingly erratic, people are turning up dead, Helen has a secret she is keeping to herself, and Nikola is trying to keep her from breaking. Rating for later chapters.
1. Prologue

**A/N: The flashback is a reworking of my fic titled Step One, which was labeled Helen/John but really wasn't. The next chapter starts earlier in time than the flashback, and the story will work its way to the present day (skipping a hundred years or so in the middle). I don't own Sanctuary, I'm judgment proof, don't sue me, etc. Any timeline errors and historical inaccuracies are all mine. Reviews are tons of love! **

"Dance with me, Helen."

"But there's no music," she protested, looking around the room they were staying in.

"We don't need it." He pulled her into his arms. "We've spent more than one lifetime writing our own song."

And they danced.

* * *

_Helen didn't know that he was just outside the drawing room door. Nikola was on his way to check on her when he heard the "crack" of John's arrival. He considered risking Helen's wrath and rushing in to protect her. But he waited. She still believed that she could help Druitt. Nikola knew better, knew that for all of Helen's skills this was beyond her reach. But he also knew that she was still in love with her ex-fiancé. He knew she was stubborn. And he knew she would just need to figure it out for herself. So he waited, and listened._

"_We need to talk," she pleaded. He could hear John's heavy footsteps pacing the floor._

"_John, please, sit down. I just want to talk to you." She sounded like she was on the verge of tears. Nikola fought back his fierce desire to protect her, fought back his inner vampire threatening to take control of the situation._

"_What is there left to say, darling?" John sneered the last word. _

"_We can help you; find out what is causing this change in you!"_

"_We both know exactly what happened—and whose fault it was." _

"_What on earth do you mean?"_

"_The research on the source blood was your idea. Injecting it was your idea. In fact, you were the one who gave me the injection of source blood. The source blood which turned me into a blood thirsty monster much more dangerous than that pesky Serbian will ever be. You made me, Helen. All those dead women are a product of your creation."_

_One day, Nikola hoped that Helen appreciated how much willpower it took to keep from bursting into the room and killing that man for what he was doing to her._

_There was a long moment of quiet, but finally Helen spoke. She sounded desperate, and, Nikola was relieved to hear, a little bit angry. "You made yourself, John. You were the only one of the five to turn evil, and I cannot believe that you did not already have a predilection for such." She paused, then continued more hesitantly, "However, I do take a measure of responsibility. I did not see what was happening soon enough. I…" she faltered. "Maybe I could have helped you." _

"_You couldn't have helped me because you were too busy hunting me!"_

"_I had no idea that you were the killer James and I were pursuing. How could I have?" In truth, they all should have seen it much sooner. They were all so blinded by their friendship that they didn't see the truth until it was too late._

"_Oh, you knew," he growled, "You were just too stubborn to admit that you were wrong to choose me. Will you run to Tesla now? Oh, that's right—you already did." John sounded like he was ready to slip over the edge. Helen needed to calm him down SOON or Nikola was going to intervene. Her next words felt like a knife to Nikola's gut. _

"_John," she pleaded, "You know that it could ever only be you. Things between us are broken right now, but if you let me help you, maybe we can set things right…" Nikola knew she was only saying them to calm Druitt down, but he also knew they were true._

"_What then? We move to the cottage by the shore…No, it will never be me again, Helen. You made that clear. I will love you for all eternity, and you'll run off with Tesla now that you're free and have no reputation left to protect. You never see what is right in front of you, Helen! You don't see what we could be…" He trailed off. Nikola was growing more worried by the second. He heard someone moving, and it was driving him crazy that he couldn't see what was happening. _

"_John!" Helen's voice was so low it was barely audible. "Let me help you, please. I'll never give up trying to find a way, if you will only let me."_

"_You've done enough…" the sound of his voice told Nikola that time was almost up. He actually heard Helen choked back a sob of fear. He was giving this ten more seconds. _

"_Then get out. And don't come near me again. John, I've loved you but I won't have you jeopardize all my father and I have fought to build."_

_Nikola heard what sounded like someone's back hitting the wall. He threw the door open in time to see Druitt lunging towards Helen, knife drawn. _

_John looked up at Nikola then leered at Helen. "This dance isn't over," he promised before he vanished from the room._

_Nikola rushed to Helen as she sank to the floor. He had never seen Helen Magnus look so small, so broken. A very small part of him was glad that she seemed to have given up the idea that she could save her lover. But all of him ached to do anything in his power to undo all the pain that she had suffered, and would likely continue to face as she began the process of healing. _

_He didn't know what to say or do, so he just knelt beside her and held her as she shattered._

**Don't go throwing things yet. It gets happier; remember the beginning of the chapter? Yes. :)**


	2. London Bombs

It was growing late in the evening, and Helen, James, and Nikola were all seated in Helen's study drinking brandy and discussing plans to expand the Sanctuary's growth overseas. It was a project that was just in the beginning stages, but one that Helen hoped she would have many, many years to complete. One person was notably absent from their group on that particular evening.

James finally decided to broach the subject they had all been avoiding since after dinner. "You've been unusually quiet tonight, Helen dear. Where is John?" Helen studied the hem of her dark blue gown for a moment before answering.

"He sent word that something came up last minute with a client and not to expect him tonight. His practice seems to be doing quite well; he has been working very long hours of late."

Nikola and James exchanged a look but said nothing. Women had a reputation for being gossips, but they really had nothing on the grapevine that made its way through gentleman's clubs. Word was that Druitt, in fact, was not doing well. It wasn't terribly surprising; few barristers these days were able to make a living practicing law. That wasn't as troubling as the idea that John was lying to Helen on a continual basis about his whereabouts.

As the sun set, the room was increasingly falling into shadows. Helen rose to light a few lanterns around the room. As the flicker from the light splashed across her face, Nikola took a good look at her face for the first time that evening.

"My God! What happened to your cheek, Helen?" There was an almost healed cut running across the top of her cheekbone, just under her eye. She quickly backed away from the light and returned to her seat. Although she appeared flustered for a moment, she quickly recovered poise.

"Oh, that's nothing. I let one of father's less-than-well-mannered creatures get too close to me. Took a nice swipe at me with its claws."

"That's an interesting explanation, Helen," James began. "But I see at least one hole in your story. Gentleman that I am, I would never take part in such shameful activity as brawling," Nikola snorted and James shot him a threatening glare, "but I have examined plenty of people who have had such dealings. I have also seen what a nice set of claws can do to human flesh." At that, he shot Nikola another glance. "Your injury, my dear, is consistent with being hit, not cut," he finished softly.

"Nonsense. Your heightened powers of observation must be weakening, James." Helen teased, rising. "I really think I should call it an evening. I still have some work to complete before I can retire." She was clearly deflecting, but James decided to let Helen get away with it. For now. He would most certainly be having a chat with John tomorrow, though.

"Of course, dear. I must be mistaken. Have a wonderful evening." He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, nodded to Nikola, and made his exit.

Nikola, however, was not so willing to let the matter drop. When they were alone in the room, Nikola raised a hand to her cheek (not missing the way she just barely flinched at the action) and gently stroked the healing wound. "He did this to you."

Helen was much less inclined to lie to her dear friend, but she did it anyway. "No, Nikola. You are just looking for trouble because you are jealous. John would never hurt me." He wasn't convinced, and they both knew it.

"At least let me stay and help you finish whatever you are working on," he offered. Helen sighed, knowing that he was never going to take no for an answer. She wasn't feeling well and had really just wanted to soak in a long, hot bath before retiring early.

"Very well then," she reluctantly agreed. She gathered her papers and Nikola followed her to the lab.

* * *

Not even an hour later there was a pounding on the door. Helen's maid led a drenched James into the workroom. He raised his eyebrows when he found Nikola still present, but he said nothing. Those two had always had their own unique bond, neither ever really fitting in with the rest of society. James had learned not to question it.

"Helen, I know it's late, but I need you for a case. Bring your medical bag—and that trench coat of yours, it is dreadful outside." She quickly rose to gather her things, and Nikola looked at the other man quizzically. "No, Nikola." James insisted. "Believe me when I tell you that you don't want to be there for this." They were still perfecting the vampire's protein supplements. It seemed to supply all the energy that he needed, but it still wasn't quite…satisfying. Though James trusted Nikola's intentions and was sure that one day he would perfect control, he didn't care to test that theory tonight, at the blood bath James knew would be waiting for them.

Whenever Helen thought back to that night, she pictured herself and James in raincoats, drenched, in a dark alley in Whitechapel, knelt over the mutilated body of a young woman. It just seemed so cliché and so horrible all at the same time.

"What has happened?" Helen asked as James helped her into the carriage he had waiting outside her home. Her friend had a budding career with Scotland Yard, and he occasionally called on Helen for assistance when he felt her unique skills might come in handy.

"There's been a—they found a body. It could be—I hope—that it was some sort of abnormal that killed the girl." James rarely faltered, and Helen knew that for him to be knocked off balance, whatever was waiting for them must be bad indeed.

And so the Ripper killings began.

* * *

It had been far too dark and rainy to properly examine the body on the scene, so James had arranged to have it transported back to Scotland Yard. They hadn't dared wait to perform the autopsy in the morning, so it was close to midnight when Helen and James stood over the body with their surgical implements. She got a good look at the body really for the first time that evening, and felt her stomach heave. The woman's manner of dress betrayed her occupation as a prostitute. It had likely made her an easy target. Helen understood James's hope that the death was caused by an abnormal. She didn't want to consider the possibility that a human had sliced the woman's throat so thoroughly and deeply. However, as soon as they removed the woman's clothing to begin the examination, they both knew that the attacker could only be human. To say the body had been mutilated was…kind. Helen ran for a washbasin and relieved herself of the remaining contents of her stomach. James was at her side instantly, rubbing her forehead soothingly.

Helen straightened herself, embarrassed. "Let's get this over with," she said grimly. James didn't try to reassure her that her physical reaction was entirely justified. The body on the table in front of them and his own pale face said it all.

"This was not an abnormal," Helen said as an afterthought, picking up a scalpel.

_No, but it was a monster_, James thought. _Anyone who would lash out at a woman is more monster than man_. He glanced at the scar on Helen's check, but said nothing.

**A/N: Next update won't come quite as quickly as this one. I'm going to aim for at least one chapter a week, though. The chapter titles are all titles of songs that are vaguely relevant, if you are interested in that kind of thing. As always, reviews are love and make me want to write faster :)**


	3. Time is Running Out

The body count was up to three. Everybody was on edge. James was under incredible pressure from Scotland Yard to make a break in the case. Helen was doing her best to assist James while dealing with her own problems. And Nikola…well, Nikola was trying to ensure that James and Helen stopped to eat and breathe occasionally.

One particular evening found Helen and Nikola alone in her study. Helen was poring over a map of the Whitechapel district while Nikola worked his way through a bottle of wine.

"Care for a glass?" He offered. "It is your wine, after all." Helen didn't even glance up, she was so distracted.

"Oh, no thank you. I need to stay focused."

Nikola knelt in front of her and tilted her chin up to face him. "Helen. You aren't focused. You are obsessed. You cannot do anyone any good if you run yourself to exhaustion." Her eyes were weary, hollow almost, and it was killing him that Helen wouldn't talk about what so clearly needed to be addressed.

* * *

One week earlier…

_He had dropped by John's house. Partly because John was his friend of sorts and he was concerned about him, but mostly because he was concerned for Helen. It so happened that Helen was already there when Nikola arrived. He could hear raised voices from the doorstep. _

"_You've been spending too much time with Tesla and Watson, dearest; people will start to talk."_

"_They're my friends, and besides which, you know James and I are working on a case!"_

"_Ahhh, yes, your quest for the Whitechapel killer—what is it that the papers nicknamed him?"_

"_Jack the Ripper." _

"_Yes. Your search for HIM seems to be more important than our own wedding plans."_

"_John! Women are being murdered. Yes, I think that is more important at the moment, all things considered."_

"_Whores," he said, lowly._

"_What did you say?"_

"_Whores are being murdered. They aren't women, Helen. And for that matter, I am beginning to wonder about you."_

"_I beg your pardon?" Helen demanded._

"_All the time you spend with those two, your lack of interest in our relationship…what are you really doing behind my back, Helen?" _

"_John, I'm doing nothing but working a case. Surely that is something you should understand, since you yourself have been putting in quite a few extra hours at work." Her tone dared him to deny it._

"_What I do, I do for us! For the family we will have one day! While you go gallivanting around London like no lady ever should." John's voice had taken on a dangerously calm tone, and Nikola was starting to fear for Helen. She could best John intellectually any day, but he had seen the evidence that she could not handle him in a physical altercation. _

"_Enough, John! You know who I am and what I do. I am the same person I have always been, so maybe it's you who has changed." Nikola couldn't see what was happening, but he heard Helen cry out and heard the thunk of what sounded like John's walking cane striking Helen. Without thinking, Nikola flew into the house, grateful that the door was unlocked. _

_Helen was on the ground, trying to guard her face with her arms. John was moving to strike her again when Nikola lunged at him, knocking him into the table and retrieving John's cane. "You. Will. Leave. Helen. Alone." He menaced, fully vampire._

_John straightened himself and glared down at Nikola. "What do you think you are doing barging into my home, Tesla?" he growled._

"_Well, I was going to knock like a civilized person, but it sounded like someone was being beat up in here so I decided to see if I could render assistance." He helped Helen to her feet. _

"_It was simply a misunderstanding," John said smoothly, looking to Helen for corroboration. Though she didn't back him up, she didn't contradict him, either. She just stood there, numbly rubbing at her arms where they had been struck._

"_I should be getting home," she finally said, moving for the door._

"_Wait just one moment and I would be happy escort you. You shouldn't be out alone at night; there's a mad man on the loose in this neighborhood," Nikola offered in a tone that left no room for refusal. "I have a carriage outside. I'll join you in a moment, I just need a quick word with Mr. Druitt." Helen still looked spooked, but she did as Nikola suggested._

_With Helen out of the house, the men didn't try to hide their disdain for each other. _

"_You will stay away from Helen," John growled._

"_Funny," Nikola quipped, "I was about to say the same exact thing to you."_

"_Yes, well, since I am the one she chose to marry, you don't get much say in the matter."_

"_You may be the one engaged to her, but I'm the one who loves her."_

"_So you admit it?" John laughed. "You've mooned over her since day one. What makes you think you are more worthy of her affection than I?"_

"_Well, let's see…" Nikola said, pretending to think carefully. "I could make a rather lengthy list, but it starts and ends with the fact that I don't _beat her with a stick!_" He brandished the cane in question and began fiddling with it as he talked. "John, I would consider you a friend. But you need help. I don't know if it was the source blood or if something else has happened, but the John Druitt I know does not beat up women. Let us help you, for Helen's sake." _

_John leaned in close to Nikola and just glared for a moment. "Get out of my house!" he demanded, snatching his cane back._

* * *

"Helen, he isn't safe anymore," Nikola said gently, still holding her chin. She opened her mouth to protest, then, with a defeated look, closed it again. Nikola shifted to sit down beside her and wrapped one arm around her waist.

"I know," she said softly. "But I need to help him, and the first step to doing that is finding out who is committing these murders."

"The first step…" Nikola mused aloud. He thought back to the pieces he had been putting together for weeks, the final one being that John's cane pulled apart to reveal a rather sharp blade. John had been so concerned with getting Nikola out of his house that he hadn't noticed when Nikola had pulled the blade out ever so slightly. He had suspected Druitt of the murders for weeks, but had no reason until now to think that Helen might be doing the same.

"You know it as well as I do, Nikola." She sounded tired. "It fits. The murders were all near his offices, all on nights he was working unusually late. His…change. The rage."

"And his cane," Nikola added. Helen nodded. _So she knows about it, too_, he observed.

"I've been trying to find something, anything that would exclude him. I can't."

"Does James know?"

"No. But I think he suspects. I need to know for sure, Nikola. I can help him, I know I can."

"Maybe," he conceded. "But what if you can't?"

"I cannot solve a problem until I have one to solve. We don't even know that it is him."

_Sure we do. You just don't want to admit it,_ he thought. Aloud, he said, "No, we don't know for certain. There are still unanswered questions. James initially thought the killer might be an abnormal because there was no sign of footprints entering or leaving the crime scene. John may be unstable, but the last time I checked, he cannot fly."

"John is working late tonight," Helen said slowly. Then she got _that_ look in her eyes—one Nikola was already familiar with. One her team would grow to hate over a century later. That look meant trouble. It meant she had an idea.

"Helen," Nikola spoke soothingly, "I'm not going to let you run off and do something foolish."

She smiled broadly. "I'm not doing anything foolish. And you're coming with me."

Nikola groaned.


	4. Torn

**A/N: Angsty times are ahead of us. But it all turns out okay in the end, because I'm too much of a diehard Teslen fan for it to be otherwise. So stick with it. And review. Please?**

"Helen, this is a bad idea."

"This is a wonderful idea and you know it!"

They were hiding in an alley.

They were hiding in an alley not three blocks from where the last body was found. At night.

"We are going to be killed," he protested.

"Don't be silly Niko. We have a perfect view of John's office from here."

"And that contradicts my point how…?"

Helen sighed. "If we are going to prove that John is not the killer, than we need to assure ourselves that he is truly working this late, and follow him if he leaves the office. And you can't be killed," she added as an afterthought.

"What if you find out something you don't want to know?" He tried to ask the question gently but firmly. There were so many ways this could go wrong. He could protect her physically, but he doubted he could stop the emotional damage if the worst happened.

"I will be fine," Helen assured him. She adjusted her wide brimmed black hat to cover up a bit more of her blonde curls. "Clandestine work would be so much easier if I had darker hair and could wear something less restrictive…" she complained.

Lights were lit in John's building, and they watched him walk from his back office into the waiting area with a gentleman Helen recognized as a client. The men walked outside together and talked for a moment before the client walked away, leaving John in the street. He looked around suspiciously, as if he could sense that he was being watched. Helen sank further against the wall of the building across the street. Eventually, her fiancée turned and went back into his office.

Nikola glanced at Helen. "Maybe you are right about him actually seeing clients late," he admitted. "But even so, something just seems…"

"Off?" She supplied.

"Yes."

"Maybe he's just been working too hard," she said hopefully.

"Or maybe he's been driven mad by the idea of his fiancée alone with another man at night." The voice came from behind Helen and most definitely was not Nikola. Helen moved to spin around to face the voice, but was stopped by the sensation of cold steel on her throat. She choked back a scream as John pulled her close to him and Nikola transformed with a growl.

"You were just in your office!" Helen managed to get out. "Where did you come from?"

John laughed. "Oh, Helen. Surely you didn't think that I was the only one who didn't receive a gift from the source blood?" She heard a faint snap and then John was standing in front of her, behind Nikola with the blade now to his throat.

"Bloody hell," She whispered. "John, let him go!" There was a time she thought that Nikola could protect her from John, but even Nikola couldn't fight someone who could simply vanish and reappear at will. Nikola was frozen in place. He wasn't afraid of John's knife, confident that even if it hurt he could heal himself. He was afraid that if he tried to attack, John would turn on Helen.

John flashed Helen a sweet, evil grin. "But why should I, my dear? I think I deserve revenge against the man who stole my fiancée."

"Have you gone completely mad, John? How many times do I have to tell you there is nothing between us?"

"You may lie to me until time ends, Helen. I caught you two in the very act!"

"The act of what, exactly?" Nikola finally managed to get out.

"Why, the two of you, sneaking around a dark alley at night. You are obviously being unfaithful, Helen, after all I have been doing to provide for our family."

"John, no!" Helen was fighting panic. "I love you! We were…we were investigating the Ripper killings. Tracking a suspect."

"And who would that be?" He said with a leer.

Helen took a deep breath, ignoring Nikola barely shaking his head in warning. "You, John. I never believed it could be you, but the circumstantial evidence looked bad. We…we were going to follow you if you left your office."

John lowered his knife, and Nikola quickly moved protectively to Helen's side. "So the truth comes out at last. It appears that we have lost the ability to trust each other, dear. You with your infidelity and me with the homicidal mania. I just don't think things are going to work out between us."

"John!" Helen pleaded, "Tell me you didn't kill those women. Please, I know you didn't."

He shook his head. "I told you before. They aren't women; they're whores. And so are you." He stepped towards her, and Nikola bared his fangs in warning.

"Don't worry, Tesla. This one isn't worth the effort to kill. For her, I have a better idea—disgrace. The disgrace of our engagement being broken off because of her infidelity. You'll be ruined forever, Helen. When I'm done telling London what you did to me, Tesla will be the only man who would ever have you."

"We can help you…" Helen was weeping. Nikola grabbed her hand, afraid she was going to run to him.

"It's far too late for that. I hope you two are happy together." He bowed and vanished.

Nikola pulled Helen against his chest and held her as she cried. "Shh…it's over," he soothed, rubbing her back.

After a few minutes, Helen straightened herself and brushed away the remaining tears. "You were right. About everything." He pressed a finger to her lips to quiet her, but she pulled away from him. "I have to help him, Nikola. This has something to do with the source blood, his powers…I can figure it out."

"Maybe you could. Or maybe he would kill you if you tried. Helen, you need to let this go." She looked down nervously, but said nothing.

"It's far too late for that. Look, what do you think are the chances that he left us alive and went to find another victim?"

"That sounds like a problem for Scotland Yard. I need to get you home, Helen. You aren't safe out here."

"I'm not safe anywhere, in case you haven't noticed." He had.

"So, you want to go hunting."

"Yes. Are you coming with me?"

"One day you are going to be the death of me, Helen."

* * *

They spent an hour canvassing the streets before they heard John. He was in a back alley, talking to a young woman. Nikola moved to follow Helen around the corner, but she motioned that he stay put. "I'm not letting you go alone," he hissed quietly.

"You'll only make him more angry," she mouthed. "Let me."

"What was I thinking? Forgive me." John was saying as Helen came into view. Helen saw him begin to pull the blade from his walking cane. She gathered up her courage, then confronted him.

"John! This ends here." He shoved the blade back into the cane and moved to stand beside the prostitute.

"Helen, what a lovely surprise," he cooed. "Molly, I would like you to meet my fiancée. Or should I say, former fiancée, Helen Magnus. Doctor Helen Magnus." The young woman smiled nervously.

"Doctor? I'm pleased to meet you, ma'am. Well…I'll be on my way," she said awkwardly, attempting to remove herself from a situation that was growing more tense by the moment. As she started to walk away, John grabbed her arm and pulled her back to him.

"Stay. I insist."

"John," Helen begged, "let me help you before you make things worse."

"And how is that possible? I've already murdered, what, seven whores? How could one more make the slightest difference."

"Murdered?" Molly cried, trying to get away. Druitt pulled her back to him, holding his knife to her throat. He covered her mouth to stifle her scream.

"What more have I to lose?" He asked, lightly.

"Your power is driving you mad, John. I can help."

He looked at Helen, darkly. "My power is all I have left."

Helen raised a gun that Nikola didn't even know she was carrying and leveled it at John. "Let her go," she ordered.

John smiled. "As the lady wishes." He removed his hand from Molly's mouth and moved to release her. Before she could take two steps, he reached out and slit her throat. All in the same instant, her body fell to the ground, Helen fired her weapon, and John vanished into the night.

Helen was numb. As she stared at the body on the ground, she heard someone screaming. It wasn't until Nikola wrapped her in his arms and pulled her back flush against him that she realized that she was the one screaming. "Let me go!" She yelled, fighting his arms. He reluctantly did as she asked, and she ran to the body, sinking to her knees. It was clear to Nikola that the woman had died instantly, but Helen was blinded, using the hem of her dress to try to staunch the bleeding.

"Helen!" Nikola tried to gently pull her away from the body. "Helen, she's gone. You couldn't have done anything." She kept working, ignoring his pleas. Nikola let her go, watching helplessly as she tried to undo the damage that her lover had done. Eventually she gave up, and just knelt there, sobbing over the body. She didn't fight when Nikola scooped her up, carrying her back to her home.

Once she was in Nikola's arms, she stopped crying. The entire way back to the Sanctuary, she didn't say a word. In shock, she just let him hold her close as he carried her.

* * *

Nikola had been in love with Helen from the moment he met her. He wasn't ashamed to admit the number of times he had imagined carrying her, his bride, through the threshold of their home. So as he carried Helen, broken and blood-stained, through the doorway, the sick irony was not lost on him. He faltered just inside the doorway, and Helen whispered "Let me down. It's okay." She was a little bit unsteady on her feet, but she attempted a brave smile. "I need to go clean up," she said, walking off to her room.

Gregory was out of the country and all of the servants were gone for the evening. There was no way in hell Nikola was going to leave Helen alone. Her emotional state aside, he was desperately afraid that John would come here to tie up loose ends. He sighed and followed Helen towards the residential quarters. He would make sure she was okay and then settle into one of the guest rooms down the hall, unless she was willing to let him stay closer than that.

He could hear Helen from down the hall. His heart broke as he heard her sob between vomiting. Ignoring convention, he walked into her room without knocking. She had stripped down to her undergarments and was lying on the floor over a basin. He knelt down beside her, wrapping one arm around her waist, using his other to brush back her hair. "I know this seems unimaginable right now, ljubav, but you will get past this," he whispered. "You are so strong; we won't let John hurt you, and he can't really ruin your reputation. I don't know of anyone who would believe him over you."

Helen looked up at him. Her eyes were empty as she whispered, "He already has ruined me, Nikola."

He stared, confused. Then it all came together. The unshakable Helen Magnus had been falling apart for weeks. Her insistence on holding an abusive relationship together. Her refusal to accept that John was the killer. A doctor throwing up at the sight of blood. And he had certainly never seen her cry before this month. He closed his eyes, hoping when he opened them that the world wouldn't be spinning. "No," he whispered.

Helen pursed her lips and nodded. "I'm pregnant, Nikola."


	5. Chasing Cars

Something happens when we keep a secret to ourselves. It grows and grows in our mind, until it seems larger than life. The bad becomes unthinkable. The difficult becomes unsolvable. Then, when we finally open up, when we finally say the words out loud, the secret shrinks back down to size. As if saying the words out loud instantly makes things easier. It could be because all that pressure building up inside has finally been released, or it could be because even if only one other person shares your secret, it still makes your burden 50% lighter.

Nikola hadn't learned this life lesson quite yet, so he didn't quite grasp how Helen seemed to compose herself dramatically after she told him the secret she had been keeping for weeks. As he knelt on her bedroom floor in stunned silence, she straightened herself so that she was perched cross legged across from him. Down to her chemise and bloomers, the scene was far from proper. They had never really done proper well, though. Before John entered the picture, Nikola would crawl into bed with her and they would just talk until they both fell asleep. Tonight, Helen looked at him, her eyebrows raised questioningly, waiting for him to react.

He didn't know what to say. His instinct was to ask her if she was sure, but she was the doctor. And the physical and emotional changes told him all he needed to confirm her…condition. He snuck a glance at her fuller-than-normal bodice and hoped his gulp for air wasn't audible. Yes, the physical changes…he shook himself back to the present. Looking at his best friend, all he could manage was, "I'm so sorry, ljubav."

"You understand now why I cannot stop trying to help him…bring him back."

_That _was not what he expected. "Helen, you must stay as far away from him as possible! It, it isn't just your life that is at risk."

She looked at him with a mixture of sadness and defiance. "And if I cannot help him, if I am left alone, what kind of life would that child have?"

He ignored her question, reaching out to her. "Come here," he said, pulling her close to him. She didn't have any fight left in her that night, so she let him pull her off the floor and guide her to her bed. Just like they had done so many times in the past, she crawled under the covers and he settled down next to her on top of the bed. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder, and she nuzzled her head into his neck.

"You didn't answer my question," she said after a few minutes like that.

"Hmm?" he asked, so wrapped up in the sensation of holding her that he had almost forgotten what they had been talking about. She snorted lightly, knowing full well where his mind was.

"You want me to stay away from John because of the potential risk to my child. But if I cannot bring John back, what kind of life could that child hope to have?"

Nikola didn't have to think about what he said next. He looked deep into her eyes so she could see how serious he was. "You don't need him, Helen. And you don't need to raise this child alone. I love you. I always have. We can—" Helen silenced him by crushing her lips against his. He was so startled that it took him a moment to catch up and move his arm from her shoulders up the back of her neck until it was tangled in her hair as he returned the kiss. A part of him knew that this wasn't real, but the rest of him didn't care. After a minute, Helen broke them apart and quickly pressed her fingers to his lips to keep him from speaking.

"Niko," she began softly, "don't do this. Don't try to sweep in and make a grand romantic gesture," she lowered her hand and pressed her chin against his.

"And why shouldn't I?" He whispered. "You're my best friend. I love you. We could get married, and your child could have two parents, and—"

"And you think that any of that would make a difference?" Helen asked, a hint of bitterness in her voice. "Think about it. John breaks off our engagement, claiming he was wronged and that I was unfaithful. Shortly thereafter we unexpectedly marry, and shortly after that, a child is born. I don't see how that changes the social disgrace." Nikola smirked and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"I was unaware that you cared so much about conforming to society's ideals. As the first woman to enroll at Oxford, I thought you would be more forward thinking than that. In fact," he raised an eyebrow, "The existence of this very problem indicates that you _are_ in fact as forward thinking as I give you credit for."

"Nikola…" Helen said with a warning.

He chuckled. "You know I mean no censure. I just can't decide why you suddenly care so much unless you are trying to let me down gently." Helen was comfortably snuggled into his chest, but reached an arm up to cup one of his cheeks.

"I don't give a damn what London thinks of me, Nikola. You know that. But…but this…" she faltered. "My child deserves better." She sighed. "The source blood altered my aging so that I could live possibly indefinitely. Why did this have to happen _now_, in this confoundedly closed minded age? Surely society cannot remain this way forever."

"Yes," Nikola agreed, excitement growing in his voice. "What if you could have this baby fifty or even a hundred years from now?"

"That would be nice…" Helen said, dreamily.

"If only you knew a brilliant scientist," he mused, grinning.

Helen sat up and looked at him curiously. "Nikola…"

"Hear me out, Helen. I've been looking into the idea of cryostasis. I think that our science is decades away from being able to realize the fullest potential of the idea, but…how far along do you think you are?"

Helen refrained from telling Nikola that he was insane. Instead, she took a deep breath before answering, "Maybe 8 weeks?"

"I might be able to do it, but I'll be honest Helen, I'm not sure. We don't know enough about fetal development yet. I think that is early enough that more delicate systems haven't developed yet, so crude freezing might work."

"That is a lot of 'mights' and 'thinks,' Nikola."

"I know. I'm just trying to give you an option besides raising a child in this blasted society or having an-"

"That is NOT an option," she said firmly.

"I never thought it was," he said softly, nonplussed by her reaction. Helen Magnus, protector of all, would never harm her own child. "What do you think?"

"I think I want the fourth option, Nikola," she said stubbornly.

"Remind me what number four was, again?"

"I find John, figure out what is wrong with him, help him, and have the family I had intended."

"Helen, does he know?"

"Absolutely not."

"I think the fact that you haven't told him should be an indication that number four is off the table."

"I cannot accept that." He didn't say anything, but those words cut to the core. He had hoped after tonight that Helen had accepted that any relationship she had with John was over. He pulled her closer. If he couldn't fix things, if he couldn't keep Helen from jumping off a cliff, he was at least going to be there to catch her. Or failing that, pick up the pieces at the bottom.

She let him hold her close, relaxing into his arms. He felt some of the tension from the last weeks melt away as he gently rubbed her back and shoulders. _Don't you see!_ He wanted to scream at her. _You love me. You felt safe telling me about the baby. You're comfortable in my arms. Wake up and see what is in front of you!_ Instead, he held her like that until he felt her breathing begin to slow.

"Nikola," she whispered.

"Yes, love?"

"You deserve someone who isn't already broken. Let it go." She always could read his mind. It was another reason that he knew they were meant to be together.

"Never," he whispered. Helen eventually fell asleep, but Nikola spent the night awake, memorizing how she felt in his arms and listening for the sound of intruders.


	6. How to Save a Life

It had been five days since the night Nikola spent holding Helen as she slept. Sometimes he could still feel her in his arms, and sometimes it felt like it was so long ago that it was only a dream. Although neither of them had left the house in the time that had passed, they had barely seen each other. They were each so caught up in their work that they barely took time to eat or sleep, let alone spend time together. They both wanted to save a life, but had drastically different ideas about how to do it. The difference of opinion, and its ramifications on what little of a relationship they had, made the few times they had been together decidedly tense.

Nikola was working on a stasis chamber. Helen may not decide in time to go through with the procedure, but he wanted to have it ready in case she came to her senses. He knew her hesitation had nothing to do with doubting his abilities and everything to do with an irrational desire to save Druitt. So, while he worked away in the laboratory, Helen stayed buried in books. She was searching everywhere looking for a solution to John's madness or, at the very least, an explanation for it.

He had put the final touches on the chamber that night. He wasn't sure it would work. Well, he knew it would do what he designed it to do from a mechanical standpoint; he just didn't know how stasis would affect the child. That was Helen's field of study, and if and when she decided the benefits outweighed the risks, Nikola would support her.

As much as he hated to pressure her, she needed to make that decision soon. She most likely had less than a week before the child would be too far developed to survive. He went searching for her in the library, but to his surprise it was empty. Most likely that meant she had either gone to bed early or was reading in the drawing room. It turned out that his latter guess was correct.

Helen didn't know that he was just outside the drawing room door. Nikola was about to knock when he heard the "crack" of John's arrival. He considered risking Helen's wrath and rushing in to protect her. But he waited. She still believed that she could help Druitt. Nikola knew better, knew that for all of Helen's skills this was beyond her reach. But he also knew that she was still in love with her ex-fiancé. He knew she was stubborn. And he knew she would just need to figure it out for herself. So he waited, and listened.

"We need to talk," she pleaded. He could hear John's heavy footsteps pacing the floor.

"John, please, sit down. I just want to talk to you." She sounded like she was on the verge of tears. Nikola fought back his fierce desire to protect her, fought back his inner vampire threatening to take control of the situation.

"What is there left to say, darling?" John sneered the last word.

"We can help you; find out what is causing this change in you!"

"We both know exactly what happened—and whose fault it was."

"What on earth do you mean?"

"The research on the source blood was your idea. Injecting it was your idea. In fact, you were the one who gave me the injection of source blood. The source blood which turned me into a blood thirsty monster much more dangerous than that pesky Serbian will ever be. You made me, Helen. All those dead women are a product of your creation."

One day, Nikola hoped that Helen appreciated how much willpower it took to keep from bursting into the room and killing that man for what he was doing to her.

There was a long moment of quiet, but finally Helen spoke. She sounded desperate, and, Nikola was relieved to hear, a little bit angry. "You made yourself, John. You were the only one of the five to turn evil, and I cannot believe that you did not already have a predilection for such." She paused, then continued more hesitantly, "However, I do take a measure of responsibility. I did not see what was happening soon enough. I…" she faltered. "Maybe I could have helped you."

"You couldn't have helped me because you were too busy hunting me!"

"I had no idea that you were the killer James and I were pursuing. How could I have?" In truth, they all should have seen it much sooner. They were all so blinded by their friendship that they didn't see the truth until it was too late.

"Oh, you knew," he growled, "You were just too stubborn to admit that you were wrong to choose me. Will you run to Tesla now? Oh, that's right—you already did." John sounded like he was ready to slip over the edge. Helen needed to calm him down SOON or Nikola was going to intervene. Her next words felt like a knife to Nikola's gut.

"John," she pleaded, "You know that it could ever only be you. Things between us are broken right now, but if you let me help you, maybe we can set things right…" Nikola knew she was only saying them to calm Druitt down, but he also knew they were true.

"What then? We move to the cottage by the shore…No, it will never be me again, Helen. You made that clear. I will love you for all eternity, and you'll run off with Tesla now that you're free and have no reputation left to protect. You never see what is right in front of you, Helen! You don't see what we could be…" He trailed off. Nikola was growing more worried by the second. He heard someone moving, and it was driving him crazy that he couldn't see what was happening.

"John!" Helen's voice was so low it was barely audible. "Let me help you, please. I'll never give up trying to find a way, if you will only let me."

"You've done enough…" the sound of his voice told Nikola that time was almost up. He actually heard Helen choked back a sob of fear. He was giving this ten more seconds.

"Then get out. And don't come near me again. John, I've loved you but I won't have you jeopardize all my father and I have fought to build."

Nikola heard what sounded like someone's back hitting the wall. He threw the door open in time to see Druitt lunging towards Helen, knife drawn.

John looked up at Nikola then leered at Helen. "This dance isn't over," he promised before he vanished from the room.

Nikola rushed to Helen as she sank to the floor. He had never seen Helen Magnus look so small, so broken. A very small part of him was glad that she seemed to have given up the idea that she could save her lover. But all of him ached to do anything in his power to undo all the pain that she had suffered, and would likely continue to face as she began the process of healing.

He didn't know what to say or do, so he just knelt beside her and held her as she finally shattered.

**I know that most of this was the flashback from the prologue, but it was important to set up what comes next ;) Review? It makes me insanely happy!**


	7. Collide

Nikola was caught in that wonderful, drowsy place somewhere between wake and sleep. His body told him to go back to sleep so he could continue the wonderful, sensuous dream he had been having, but a small voice in the corner of his barely-awake brain reassured him that he really wanted to be awake. As he fought his way towards opening his eyes, he gradually became more aware of his surroundings. He was covered in soft and warm. He stretched out his legs and instead of feeling the functional sheets on his bed, he was met with the silky smoothness of skin that was not his. This startled him fully awake, and when he opened his eyes he was met with one of the most breathtaking sights of his life.

He was on his back, and there was a blonde angel laying on top of him, her hair cascading down her back and spilling over onto his chest. Her face was tucked neatly into the crook of his neck like they were made to fit together just like this. His arms were wrapped around her, his hands settling in the small of her back. Her very unclothed back, he realized, noting his own state of complete undress. And then, the events of the previous night flooded his mind, overwhelming him to the point that a small gasp of pleasure escaped his lips before he could stop himself.

It had been a long and terrible road, but Helen was finally his. He smiled and pulled her closer.

* * *

The night before had begun with impossible heartbreak. Nikola had finished the cryostasis chamber to preserve Helen's child, and had gone to find her and encourage her to make a decision. Instead, for the second time, he was privy to overhearing Druitt's meanness and brutality directed at the woman he loved. When he ran into the room he found her sunk to the floor against the wall, silently sobbing. It was only when he got close enough to sink down beside her and pull her into his arms that he realized she wasn't crying. It was as if she had no more tears to give to this impossible situation. He wanted to make everything okay, but he settled for pulling her head against his chest and just holding her.

They had stayed like that for a minute, or an hour…Nikola lost track of time as his mind raced back and forth between deciding the most slow and painful way to end John Druitt and, once again, memorizing what Helen felt like in his arms. After a time, he realized that she had stilled. Thinking she had finally, mercifully fallen asleep, he stood up, gathering her into his arms as gently as he could, trying not to wake her. When he looked down at her, however, he realized that, although she hadn't protested to being picked up like a china doll, her eyes were open. She was staring at him, thoughtfully.

"I…I thought you were asleep," he explained. She reached up and pressed a finger to his lips.

"It's okay, Nikola," she whispered. She thought a moment before continuing, "I think I've been asleep for a very long time. I'm finally awake now." She smiled. _She smiled._ She wasn't making any sense, and Nikola decided that awake or not, what she needed was rest before she went the whole way around-the-bend.

"You should get some rest, darling," he said, carrying her to her room.

He sat down on her bed, still holding her, and she shimmied out of his arms and shifted around so that she was sitting beside him.

"Do you…are you…" The question wasn't coming out properly, though that made sense considering Nikola wasn't entirely sure what he wanted to say. He looked down at his hands, awkwardly. Helen reached over and took one of his hands in her own. Nikola looked at her, surprised and a little bit unsure.

"Stay with me tonight?" she asked with a half-smile.

"Of course, ljubav," he said, understanding why she wouldn't want to be alone.

He didn't understand what she meant, Helen knew. She wrapped an arm around his shoulders, pulling him in for the softest of all kisses. "No, Nikola," she said, with more emphasis than the first time, "Stay with me tonight."

Her forehead was pressed against his and he could still taste the faintest hint of her lips on his. As he realized what she was actually offering, he felt his mind explode, the shockwaves sending jolts of heat to every inch of his body. He closed his eyes, trying to get his feet back on solid ground, but his heart, such as it was, was pounding in his chest. He had wanted her for years, but _like this_? A part of him knew that she was heartbroken, alone, and not thinking clearly. That she would probably be making the same offer to James or even Nigel if they were here instead. That she did not, and probably would not, ever love him. That if he did stay, he would simply be taking advantage of her fragile state. She would hate him for it later, and he couldn't face that.

"You're thinking," she chided him. "That's dangerous." Her voice had dropped in pitch, and when he pulled away from her to look into her eyes, he saw unrestrained need there. He was doomed, he realized.

"One of us has to," he said, fighting to keep his voice steady.

She smirked at him. "Oh, come now Nikola, what are you afraid of?" He didn't know where to begin, but he had to take control of this situation before she did something that made him completely lose sight of common sense.

"Helen, you aren't…you can't…" he kept fumbling over words before finding the right ones, "I don't want to be one more thing that you regret." Her smile was sad this time as she leaned in and kissed him again, tugging on the front of his shirt to pull him closer. This kiss was deeper, and since his brain was already very nearly consumed, the slow burning flame started in an entirely different part of his body. He kissed her back, tangling his hands in her hair and tasting her mouth with his tongue. Eventually, somehow, he gathered up the restraint to pull away. Helen whimpered at the loss of contact and it took all his strength to keep from kissing her again and never stopping.

"Nikola, you are the one thing right now that I don't regret," she reassured him, confidently.

"Care to keep it that way?" He managed.

"You've been my best friend for years, Niko," Helen began, reaching out to touch his cheek. "Before I even met the others, you were the one with whom I shared my secrets, my research, my life. All those nights we would stay awake until dawn, hashing out one of our crazy schemes. And when John came along, I knew you didn't like it, but you were still there. And when everything went to hell, you never stopped supporting me, protecting me. It didn't matter to you that I had been so blind, you just wanted me to be happy again. And then it came to me."

He raised his eyebrows, indicating that she should continue. "Nikola, _you_ are the constant. No matter how much we may bicker, I've never been so happy and safe as I am with you. I didn't see it before, but I do now. I…I'm not sure what love is anymore, but I think I must love you," her voice had been growing quieter, less confident, the longer she spoke, until she was the one staring at her hands. After a moment she looked him in the eye, "If all this has finally changed your mind, I understand. But you offered once before, said we could be a family, and I-" she didn't have to finish the sentence, because Nikola answered her unfinished question by crashing his lips against hers. His hands were in her hair, on her back, around her waist. Any objections he may have had, any gentlemanly reservations, were all gone in the face of the idea that _Helen wanted him._ He wasn't just a warm body on a dark night, he was _hers._ He'd never felt like he belonged anywhere, but in that moment, he was home.

The rest of the night was a blur of hands and lips and skin. Nikola had reveled in removing every layer of her ridiculously elaborate dress. _One day, I hope women wear less clothes_, he had thought to himself. But every step revealed more of her heavenly, porcelain skin for him to touch, to taste. He memorized every inch of her, every reaction she made from the contented moan when he kissed that spot right behind her earlobe to gasps of pleasure when her breasts were finally free and he drew a nipple into his mouth. They were so heavy, so sensitive that before he had even touched her below the waist he could tell from her breathing how very close she was. By that point, all that she was wearing was her thin cotton chemise, and he reluctantly pulled away from her long enough to grab its hem and pull it up and over her head. He couldn't help but gasp as he took in all the skin that had been revealed to him in that moment. Slowly, reverently, he kissed each breast before making his way back up to her mouth. As his hands roamed, exploring as much of her as he could reach, he felt her hands unbuttoning his shirt. They broke apart long enough for him to shrug it off and throw it in the pile that already held his jacket and tie.

They just took each other in for a moment. Nikola regained footing first, pushing Helen back onto the bed and resuming his assault on her breasts. It didn't take long before she was right at the edge again. "Nikola…need you!" she gasped, reaching to fumble with his belt. He would have none of it, not yet, and shoed her hands away. Instead, he reached an arm down between her legs, stroking his way up her inner thigh until he could feel the heat radiating from her. She was so wet, he started to forget his goal of prolonging this night as he brought her as much pleasure as possible, wanting instead simply to bury himself in her to the hilt. Her sweet little moans as he covered her in kisses brought him back, and he found the spot that was his target. Helen's back arched with pleasure as he began to draw circles. She gasped his name again as he reached a finger inside her and began to stroke. He could feel her muscles begin to tighten as he added a second finger, and he increased the pace at which he was working her. As she began to quake underneath him, he moved his lips from her chest back up to her mouth, kissing her deeply and swallowing her moans as she came.

She clung to him as she gradually floated down from her high. Kissing him firmly, she reached for his belt once again. This time he couldn't even pretend to try to stop her, he was rock-hard and straining at the front of his pants. Helen's hand brushed against the front of his pants and distracted her from the belt. Instead, she began stroking him through the cloth. He felt himself twitch under her hand and groaned, giving in and reaching down to undo the belt and his pants himself. Helen batted his hands away and shoved his pants off his hips and down his legs as he kicked them off and they went…somewhere. He moaned as she pressed herself flush against him, maximizing the amount of touching skin and grinding against him wantonly. "Helen," he gasped, wanting at the same time both to draw this out forever and to take her right then.

"I want you," she returned, her breathing as ragged as his.

He reached down, one hand lightly stroking her hip, the other guiding himself to her entrance. "I love you," he whispered as he buried himself inside her. She was all things wonderful, and he took a moment to simply worship her. He loved everything about her from her hair, long since mussed from its up-do and flowing almost freely down her back, to the way her eyes rolled back in her head with pleasure at the sensation of being so completely connected to him. He worked his way down her body, taking in every detail until he felt her start to move against him. She pulled him down for a bruising kiss and he couldn't stop himself from matching her rhythm and plunging into her again, and again.

It took no small amount of mind games to get Nikola to last until Helen was sweat soaked and clinging to him as her thrusts became more and more uneven. She was so close, and this time he left her lips free as he reached between them. A few strokes was all she needed and Helen came around him, her muscles clamping down on him until he couldn't hold back anymore and spilled himself into her as she cried his name.

He collapsed onto the bed, content and exhausted, rolling over and pulling Helen onto his chest. She nuzzled against his neck and gave a content little sigh. "Love you, Niko," she whispered, her eyes drifting closed.

"Love you, too," he said, but she was already asleep.

* * *

As Nikola replayed every moment of that night in his mind, he felt Helen stir in his arms. He tensed. What would happen this morning? Would she still want everything she said she wanted? Was he actually going to have a family with her? His heart stilled as he waited for what felt like an eternity for her to wake up and process last night.

"Niko," she whispered, reaching up to run her fingers through his hair. She smiled sleepily and then kissed him lazily, her lips lingering against his.

His heart exploded with joy.

**There, y'all get some happiness. Now you can stop complaining about all the angsty times, for this chapter at least **


	8. Say What You Need to Say

**Y'all are amazing. I love every one of you. And so, we pick up exactly where we left off last chapter ;)**

Helen's lazy kiss grew more intentional as she woke up, and soon they were desperately tasting each other, Nikola's hands buried in her mass of cascading blonde curls as he pulled her impossibly closer. When they broke apart for air, Nikola deftly flipped them and Helen giggled, which quickly turned to a gasp when Nikola ran his tongue behind her earlobe and then started kissing his way down her neck. She raked her nails down his back, a small moan escaping her lips as he brushed against her leg, giving her irrefutable proof that he was just as awake as she was.

Infuriatingly, a knock on her bedroom door interrupted what should have been a wonderful, lazy morning curled up in bed making love. "Dr. Magnus," one of the housemaids called. "I'm sorry to bother you, ma'am, but it's half past eight and I figured I'd have seen you by now. You have a message." Nikola groaned, rolling off of Helen as she sprung out of bed and frantically searched the war zone on the floor for her chemise. She shot him a warning glance and he shrunk into the covers as Helen opened the door just a fraction. Her indiscretions would not be news to her staff, but Nikola being the man in her bed certainly would be.

"What was the message?" Helen asked, hoping her cheeks weren't too flushed and trying to cover up the breathlessness in her voice. The maid looked her over, smirking to herself but saying nothing. "We got a message from your father early this morning. It must have been delayed en route; he is arriving back in town later this morning." Helen closed her eyes briefly, hoping desperately that the maid was playing a sick joke. Gregory was not supposed to return to England until much later in the year; an early return meant either something had gone terribly wrong with his trip or he had received word of part or all of the drama that had been transpiring in his absence.

"Thank you, Ginny," Helen said abruptly, "I'll be ready in half an hour if you would be so kind as to help me with my hair."

"Of course, Dr. Magnus," she said, backing away from the door as it was shut in her face. Helen spun around and, Nikola saw what could only be described as panic on her face.

"Helen, I'm sure he's fine," he reassured her. "Now, you gave her half an hour…come back to bed." She ignored him and paced to her wardrobe, distractedly staring at the row of dresses that hung there. "Helen, what could possibly be so terrible about Gregory returning? I thought you adored your father." Hot, angry tears stung her face as she turned around and glared.

"I DO love him," she said, defensively. "And I know he's fine. I know he's come back because word has come to him of some half-truth of what has been going on the last six months."

"Helen…" Nikola began, concerned. "He knew about the experiments with the source blood, right?" She looked down, sheepishly.

"He knew I was considering it," she said, carefully.

"And he said it was impulsive yet brilliant?" he asked, hopefully.

"Yes, precisely. Only I believe his exact phrase was 'don't'"

"Ahh."

"Yes. He was afraid that we could do irreparable damage, awaken the ancient vampire race, create all manner of unstoppable creatures hell-bent on destruction. I told him he was overreacting."

"So, you are facing the largest I-Told-You-So in history."

"More or less. And that's before we even get to John, or the baby, or you. I was hoping he would be gone another six months so all this could blow over somewhat before he returned."

Nikola walked over to her wardrobe and shuffled in close behind her, wrapping his bare arms around her and nuzzling the corner of her neck. "Do you want me to be there when you talk to him?"

Helen turned around and pulled him close in a long kiss. "Thank you. But I think the conversation might go better if you aren't there."

"Your father really doesn't like me, does he?"

"You're a bit of an acquired taste," she teased. "Now scoot, or you'll get caught and Ginny will have my hide."

Barely an hour later, Helen greeted her father at the door. "We had no idea you were coming back until this morning!" She chided, pulling him into a tight hug. Although she dreaded the conversation she knew was coming, she loved Gregory dearly and missed him while he was off on his expeditions.

The senior Dr. Magnus gave his daughter a tight but warm smile, "I had to return rather suddenly," he explained.

A tea service was set up in the study, and they settled into Helen's favorite, overstuffed leather armchairs to talk as they sipped at Darjeeling. It was clear neither one of them wanted to begin the conversation, because there was several minutes of long silence before Helen finally gave in. She had complete confidence in her father's unconditional love, and no matter how disappointed he might be, she was never one to beat around the bush. "How much have you heard?" she asked, sounding wearier than she intended.

Gregory chuckled lightly. "You assume that I'm back here because of something you've done," he teased.

"You're not?" Helen asked, surprised. She had not seriously entertained any other option.

His face turned serious. "When I was in Cairo I got news of three murders in Whitechapel. You and James were both connected to the investigation, and I was…concerned…of the implications of you being interested in what is so clearly a police matter. Have they found the killer?"

Helen gathered her thoughts, then answered, "We know his identity, but as of yet he has not been apprehended." Gregory raised an eyebrow. "The total number of victims is up to six," she added, sadly.

"How is it that this man has not been caught?" he demanded. "If Scotland Yard knows his identity, then—"

"It is a great deal more complicated than that," Helen explained. "The killer is an abnormal. It is why I was involved."

"I don't know of any species that would target humans in such a fashion," Gregory mused. "What is it?"

"It is who, not what," she admitted. "John Druitt," she spat his name, "is the killer."

Gregory was stunned; when he had left John and Helen were newly engaged and appeared deeply in love. He had half expected to come home to find them already married. "I think you should probably tell me everything from the beginning, Helen."

And she did. He listened quietly, only nodding occasionally, as she told him about the source blood research, the injections, Nikola and Nigel's changes, James's apparent increased intellect, to which Gregory rolled his eyes, and Helen's own apparent slowed aging. She told him about John's increasingly violent and irrational behavior, the Ripper investigation, and how she had finally caught John in the act. For now, she left out her pregnancy and whatever was happening between her and Nikola. When she stopped talking, Gregory leaned back and whistled.

"My dear, I am so sorry I was not here. Perhaps I could have prevented some, or all, of this sorrow."

"I am terribly sorry I didn't listen to you about the source blood. If I had, none of this would have happened."

"Helen, I never really expected you to give up a chance at scientific inquiry for a bit of safety. I am sorry that it ended closer to my expectations than yours." He looked her in the eye carefully, studying her in that way only he could. "Is there anything else I should know?"

Helen took a deep breath, steeling herself. When she looked up at her father again, his eyes were infinitely soft. "It's okay, my darling girl. You can tell me," he encouraged.

"When John caught Nikola and me following him, he accused us of having an affair. He said that he would see to it that everyone in London knew that I had betrayed him. It was the ramblings of a mad man, but he still has public standing. And what he didn't…doesn't…know is that…I'm pregnant." She looked down quickly, afraid to see the disappointment in his eyes.

Gregory laughed. He actually laughed. "Helen, I'm a doctor," he reminded her. "One with a great many more years experience than you. I knew about your condition the moment I laid eyes on you when I walked in the door. I had hoped you would have known me to be forward-thinking enough to not be upset." As an afterthought, he added, "or surprised."

"Ah—" Helen began, not knowing quite what to say.

"Was he right?" Her father interrupted.

"Pardon?"

"Druitt. Are you having an affair with Tesla? Is the child his?"

"No, it is John's," she said, sadly.

"You didn't answer my first question," Gregory reminded her. "You and Tesla? It wouldn't be surprising. Maybe surprising that it took you this long."

Helen almost grinned. "We weren't having an affair," she assured him. "John is stark raving mad."

"Weren't?" he pointed out, knowingly.

Helen came very close to blushing, but recovered and smiled at her father. "It has been an incredibly difficult few months, and Nikola has been there every step of the way. He is nontraditional in every sense of the word, I'll give you that. But I told him I was concerned about the social implications both for our work and my child, he built a cryostasis chamber that could hold the baby until society 'grows up' as I believe he put it. If that isn't love, I'm not sure what is." She realized she was rambling, and this time she did blush. Gregory shook his head.

"So that's a yes." It wasn't a question. Helen nodded.

"I can't say that I agree with Nikola on many subjects, but he picked a worthy object for his affection, and although I didn't tell you at the time, I think Nikola is a far better choice for you."

"Really," Helen deadpanned, fairly certain he was only saying that to be supportive.

"It would be obvious to a blind man, Helen. You are both wild and high-strung, ignoring all of society's expectations in pursuit of knowledge. You are fiercely loyal to each other and practically inseparable. If everything you say about the source blood's effects is true, I predict you two will spend the next several hundred years keeping each other on your toes." He raised his voice and looked towards the study door. "Now that you have been assured of my approval, Mr. Tesla, you may stop lurking outside the door and come join us for tea."


	9. How We Operate

"What should we do, Niko?"

Helen and Nikola were curled up on a sofa in the library, and as she spoke, she buried her head further into his shoulder. He tightened his arms around her, pulling her close until the casual observer wouldn't be able to tell where one of them stopped and the other began. As he held her, he felt the final vestiges of the tension she had been carrying for months leave her body. They stayed like that for a long time, Nikola stroking her blonde curls as she lay against him, content to breathe in the scent of his cologne through his shirt collar.

Eventually, he answered quietly, "I think Gregory is right about us."

* * *

Once Nikola had joined Helen and her father, tea had been an interesting experience. Gregory seemed to take in stride the idea of the two of them together. In fact, they were more surprised at the depth of their feelings for one another than Gregory. He grinned when Helen told him as much. "Sometimes things appear much clearer from a distance," he said cryptically.

And yet Gregory continued to pepper Nikola with questions about the stasis unit he had built. Nikola answered them all, delighted for any opportunity to show off his own genius.

"I really just tweaked Faraday's system. He used ammonia which would be completely inappropriate for human tissue preservation, so I designed a system that runs on cooled nitrogen instead."

"But how do you plan on powering it long term?"

Helen tuned out Nikola's enthusiastic answer, focusing instead on the substance of Gregory's question.

"But, we don't need it now," Helen interrupted before she could check herself. The two men stared at her, the looks on their faces priceless. Both of them were clearly surprised by her outburst, but while Nikola looked like she had just handed him the earth, Gregory looked…concerned. More than he had the entire day.

There was a few seconds pause while everyone collected themselves, then they all started to talk at once, words flying across the table with no one to hear them. Everyone quieted, and Helen and Nikola looked at Gregory, deferring to him to speak.

"Helen," he began, "Do you really want to have this baby right now?"

She felt a fight-or-flight response rise out of nowhere, and she straightened in her seat and crossed her arms around her midsection as her nostrils flared and her mouth set in a firm line. Things had been so difficult lately that she hadn't noticed how out of balance her emotions were until Nikola rested his hand on her arm. She flinched at the sudden touch, and Gregory's face fell, beginning to understand what she must have gone through in his absence.

"Helen, it's okay," her father said softly, backing away from his comparatively harsh tone from earlier. "What do _you_ want?"

"I—" she faltered. Realizing Nikola's hand still rested on her arm, she turned to look at him. His expression was cautiously hopeful, and she felt herself melt. She wanted nothing more than to be with him, to have a family with him. It was a frightening idea; with John, it felt as if she was constantly battling for her independence. With Nikola, she didn't feel like she had to make the choice. Maybe it was because their lives were already so intertwined, but she felt she didn't even need to take a step toward him. All she had to do was reach out and grab his hand—which she did.

Gregory observed the couple for a moment. One of Nikola's hands was on Helen's arm, the other held her hand; their elbows were propped on the table as they looked searchingly at each other. They knew this wasn't a simple choice, and neither of them made rash, emotional decisions as a general rule.

Helen turned to her father, refusing to relinquish Nikola's hand. "Clearly you have an opinion," she said dryly. "Let's hear it, father."

He smiled. "How many nights in the last year have the two of you stayed up until dawn working on some kind of project?"

They puzzled for a moment before Nikola finally spoke up, "I couldn't count it on two hands."

"How many times have you been up for days, Nikola, not stopping for sleep or food because you were so engrossed in your work?" Helen snorted, succinctly answering the question.

"Helen," Gregory began, and it was Nikola's turn to smirk. "How many times have _you _been out until all hours working with James or tracking an abnormal or—"

"You've made your point," Helen clipped.

"Just think about it. Does the thing that makes you two perfectly suited for each other also answer this dilemma? It is a decision that you need to make. Together."

* * *

"I know he's right. I just don't like it." Helen moved to sit up, but Nikola held her firmly in his grasp.

"This is ultimately your choice, Helen." Nikola was deadly serious, in contrast to his normal boyish, devil-may-care attitude. "You know I would love this child like my own. That I want to have a family with you. But don't make the choice for me."

The silence stretched between them as Helen thought. They were practically inseparable now, but what about in ten years, what if their careers took off in different directions? She was certain they would always find each other again, but she wondered how much time in the years to come they would be apart. But if she had the baby right now—that would change everything. They would marry, and one of their jobs—most likely Nikola's—would take precedence. Did either of them want that? Nikola was free-spirited and ahead of his times. A family would only hold back his work.

Her work was too important, as well. It felt horrible to admit, but she didn't think that she could sacrifice her work for the sake of having a family a few years earlier. Especially since her baby would still be there, waiting, whenever she was ready.

Nikola could feel when she made her decision. Her shoulders drooped and her face scrunched up in what felt like pain against his neck. She didn't have to tell him that she wanted to go ahead and preserve the baby. He intellectually knew they were making the right decision, but he couldn't keep his body from slumping in sadness.

"It's going to be okay, ljubav," he whispered. "I understand."

She pulled her face out of his neck and looked him squarely in the eyes. Tears shined behind her lashes, refusing to fall. Nikola reached out a thumb and brushed the tears away from one eye, then leaned in and kissed it so softly Helen almost couldn't feel it. He repeated the process with her other eye, then pressed his forehead against hers, content just to be close to her. "I'm sorry—" she started to say. He silenced her with a kiss.

"No apologies," he whispered. "I told you the decision was yours."

"Just think of how much more you can do now," she pointed out. "You won't be tied down…"

He pulled away from her, an expression very much like anger clouding his face. "Is that what you think?! That you would be saving me from being tied to you? Is that the only reason you're doing this?"

"No," she said slowly. "I stand by what I said. Now is not the time to bring a child into the world. But, you're right. That was a factor in the decision."

He looked deadly serious, eyebrows furrowed as he tried to find the words to explain to Helen how he felt. "It doesn't make any difference," he said, knowing as soon as the words escaped that she didn't understand. "Deciding to put off a family doesn't keep me from being tied down. I will always be tied to you. No matter where I go or what I do. I am yours…"


End file.
